Saturday Night Sadness

Here I sit on Sat night a very fun loving, energetic woman who wants to find adventure with each day and tries to make the best of every situation. Tonight I cannot make the best out of my experience though. I go to meet up with a new friend downtown, they act as if they have all the time in the world for mew and cannot wait to hang out and see how our personalities click. So I get in the shower, get dressed, and drive halfway to meet them, ready to make a good impression, as all firsts are important. I wait and wait, and text and call. This "new friend" is not answering, and when they finally do, all I hear is sorry ass excuses. "Oh, my phone is dying and I forgot my charger, I had to turn around and make some money real quick with something I had to drop off" blah blah blah. When we finally meet up, its awkward to actually meet the person that just made me wait like a little kid for the late school bus. He has no real shame, and I feel like a complete chore, not a good feeling at all for anyone. I feel as if my time is important, and so are others time as well. I would never leave someone waiting, that is just not my stilo "style", and I HATE when I have to deal with it! I am sure there are many who have been in similar situations, and if not, its pry your ass that is doing it to other human beings, so SHAME ON YOU! you should be tied to a tree and beaten with a wet noodle, it is not nice! So, we go to grab a quick bite for they have some "errands to run" and want to hang out later after they do them. I decide to forgive and forget and actually stay in the area to try and give this friend another shot, to really show up and act like I am worth the time given. I wait, and I wait. Text messages are exchanged, time flies by, short convos here and there, talking like "I'm on the way just getting some gas", "my phones acting up and I didn't get your last text", all types of fuckery. I waited for 4 hours hoping that something better would come my way, listening to Lauren Hill, waiting for her to take my anxiety away with her angelic guitar riffs and scratchy unique notes she hits oh so well. It starts to rain, I watch other couples hand and hand, laughing and walking to the bars, wishing I could slip in silently behind them and start laughing to pretend I actually have friends who follow through, and don't leave me hanging. It is the feeling of High School all over again. being left out of the plans or not invited to the party, because others are self-centered or jealous of all I have going on. I pray for God to send me some good individuals of which I can count on and call "my peeps". It is so hard to find honest to goodness good friends today! For those who have them, please don't take them for granted. If you do, please send them to me, I could use one about now :(

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Made to say Goodbye

I lost a very good friend today, well not lost, but I feel lost without them. They graduated from college here in MN and had a hard time finding full time work, so they had to go home to regroup and look into some opportunities through connections in their hometown. So, we had to say goodbye for now, and that is very hard. I am sure many individuals can feel me when it comes to saying goodbye to a loved one, close friend, significant other, even for a time, is very hard on the heart. To go from growing, struggling, and starving to survive together, to phone calls throughout the day, just isn't the same. The years we spent together learning, living and loving, seemed to be begin and end in the blink of an eye. They are now prisoners of the great "Greyhound bus" experience. Where they don't check your bags and people ride to get away with horrible things without the customs to deal with to travel. Others, simply have to take it, for airfare prices are not an option. I remember riding it for three days to go from MN to VA to visit my boyfriends parents and friends of which he escaped from. It was more than an experience and to deem it an "adventure" would be too kind. All kinds of people, from all walks of life, trying to get to their destinations, stuffed on a bus they always fill too full. Its hard to not listen into all the conversations going on around you and behind you, as you lay there trying to pretend to sleep to keep from going crazy on some of these ignorant souls. A random guy in the back announces how he just got out of the "big house", and from then on, one person stays awake at all times. A crackhead also tried to board a full bus mind you, and grab a seat undercover without a ticket, and the bus driver called her out and she took off running. As she speeds away, I read the writing on the back of her shirt, which reads: "real nigga"...I know my friend will be safe and get home just fine, but I will pray for her just the same, because people, today, are Nuts!

promotions- Twins opener in new Target field!!

So, if you have looked at my professions I try to keep it interesting and stay busy with a mixture of "hustles". One of which is being a brand promoter or brand ambassador to different products and for events. On Monday this week, it was promoting David sunflower seeds. We had a cute little baseball t-shirt to wear and a matching red hat. We were told prior to wear khakis and tennis shoes and where to meet for instruction. We got together around this cool bug car they drove around, shooting sample bags out from a giant kids mouth mounted on the back of the vehicle. We were spilt into groups of two and sent around the downtown area to different corners to promote to passing pedestrians. mainly, opening Twins game attendees. Everyone loves free shit, it doesn't matter your color, age, denomination, political stance, nada, for free= happy smiling strangers with their hands out like kids on Halloween night. We were to hand out homer hankies for game goers to wave, packets of seeds, coupons for seeds and 5 cents off gas at Holiday, and slim Jim's. It was so great, a lovely sunny day, when the news told us we may be rained out. A perfect first game day for the MN Twins, in their new outdoor stadium. So, being that I am handing out free promo stuff, I met a lot of interesting people, in all walks of life. I heard a long haired rocker looking guy, telling his buddy, that "my girlfriend sucks, I'm addicted to heroin and I hate my life". That was some deep stuff right there, some stuff some free sunflower seeds and a slim Jim will not fix, but can't hurt ya know? We then met this homeless looking old guy, who was so excited to get some free slim Jim's, he had a smile like a kid on their Birthday. He was so thankful, he looked us dead in the eyes, talking about how he just got out of jail and a slim Jim will be like heaven compared to all those god awful bologna sandwiches hes been eating. So, we loaded him up and sent him on his way. People were asking for more than one homer hankie, and always with a story like one lady, "I need two, because I have twins" and such. Since were getting paid to simply hand it out and promote it, we gave them more if they asked, its just funny they think they needed a story to get a little rag with David written on it. We were laughing and telling people enthusiastically all over downtown to, "slap into a slim Jim". Caught an elderly couple off guard with that once, making them jump. Even the bus drivers and taxi cabs would honk and hold out their hands from their windows, and we would run across the street to give them some free stuff. People biking and running around downtown snatched them from our outreached hands as well, which we soon made into a game, seeing who would take more towels from whom as they rode or ran by us. It was Twins versus the Red Sox, and when we were reloading out supplies at the nearby Holiday gas station, a man came up to us in a business fit and a wooden toothpick hanging out of his mouth. Talking about he just dropped off the owners of the Red Sox at the game, and how they think the new Target field reminded them of a Petco in San Fransisco. "Boo on them" we thought, and "why doe such a head honcho like you need to be loading up on our free seed samples?" but even big shots like free stuff!! We ended up winning 5-2, so ha ha to the Red Sox owners, you haters~!

Looking Back- High School Days

High school was hard for me at times. I am a pretty, nice, smart, young woman. With a good sense of humor, and sassy fashionista personality. Respectfully, people were drawn to me. This does not go well in High school, and obviously can cause competition in society. I would wear my hairstyle in a certain way, and girls would approach me and ask me how I did it. At times, if I would do so for them. I noticed how they were always older or younger, and it was a form of flattery to me. It was funny to me that my peers would not be so kind, never wanting to give credit where credit is due, but trying to copy it just the same. These girls were in my general classes so they were my age. I would make up a interesting outfit on Friday, and beside a few girls close to me, other girls would snub their noses and try and bring me down. They would act so jealous, I would not be invited to parties or some events because I was such competition. One girl in my grade, in particular, was such a hater. This hater had a house party that weekend I had shown my new outfit out on, and once again, not invited. That following Monday, that same hater had the audacity to come to school, trying to sport the same fit I had worn. Now, please mind you, I take the time while shopping to get the unique and different, and jazz it up with whats in my closet at home. Its like a sport to me, to try something new, but mix it with today's fashions. To put my signature style on it, my brand if you must. So, she would have had to really try and find this long sleeved silk-type number. With the sequins v-neck, and neat ties at the sleeves. Creating the light flowing texture, different from the bodice. She even tried to have her hair the same EXACT WAY AS I DID. Had the nerve to walk past me, with a look, as if it was her idea all along.
Needless to say, I did not have a lot of girlfriends growing up. It seems to me High school has not changed a whole lot either, which is why everyone loves t.v. shows like ”Glee”. Where after a bad day of school, you can come together, and sing your hearts out. Something so close to everyone's heart, like a sweet idea that will never be. I did however, have a handful of great younger, and older girlfriends. Whom were not only confident, but beautiful individuals whom had heart enough to hold their own. To them I am truly grateful!

City crisis

Living downtown has its ups and its downs. First and foremost the parking problems. I have been towed pry eight times since I moved downtown while trying to find my way around the city, and parking in a non-obvious no parking area. They seem to be everywhere and every time I see a tow truck with a car or without for that matter, I shudder and think, "whose life are they off to ruin today". It is hard to find parking, especially when you do not want to be taken advantage of in paying 80 bucks a month to be in a garage. No thanks you. I instead drive my ass down to the Mississippi for the safety of the town homes and walk back the two miles to my apartment. It may take more time and effort, but its free for me, and a great excuse for me to exercise. I have been trying to look for the positive in things more, for it truly takes more effort. So we shall see how long that goes on for :)
Anyhow, another problem, outside our apt. window we are on the street level, and many voices can be heard. Voices of conversations going as such, "Hey, Hey Dede, you got that work?", "Let me get some of that hard you know I'm good for it, my check cummin' soon man you know"...silence..."Let me get some of that man, the old woman took my 500 dolla bill man, just let me get some of that shit"...

Funny enough we are right next door to a building full of base heads, up at all times of the night, don't care whose got work the next day, they are going to get their hit dammit. So, instead of being mad, we light up a blunt and laugh and video tape their crack-headed comedies from my camera hidden in the window. We hope to come up with a whole movie about livin' downtown someday. For now, we are gathering our materials. Wish me luck, and sleep :) lol

FYI- to those whom it may remain unknown: crack is whack, smoke marijuana

Rainy Days

When Minnesota Spring rolls around it really makes me happy because it means my Birthday is just around the corner :) And while I have countless minutes, thanks to my loving folks and their home video skills, of it being lovely. While I round into the 20's department, it seemed to be a day I less looked forward to, as once used to so fondly with innocence. Last year it was a Birthday card from my mom and dad who told me that inside was $100. With this said Birthday bundle I could go out to eat with the family and accept half at $50, or take the whole thing. So I have this is my mind, and my dad goes into how much I have had to loan from him and how I was unrightfully terminated from my job at Massage Envy as a sales associate, and how perhaps I want to help out around the home the next day to keep busy. Mind you it is the DAY after my Birthday. And even if I did take the WHOPPING HUNDRED they offered me, there was not much I could really do with it. For today people, who apparently don't live on the moon and like to do things and not sit in their houses all day with their cats. Side note: Nothing negative towards cats, or people with cats. I was once one of you and Leo My Lion where ever you are, I will always love you...Another story entirely.
So, even if I did take the hundred and not go out to eat, I have my dad offering a lovely piece of information to me, about how he had to cancel a lake meeting, after finding out I may want my family to be happy for me on my Birthday. So. at this point, the Birthday girl has had quite enough. For this whole charade is being portrayed in front of her boyfriend whom she so should have not thought he was safe to do so. Very awkward none the least and I a, guessing I am not getting punked. My sisters are working or at a friends house and I am, it seems, a hindrance to the day. In the end, I leave tears flowing, hundred dolla bill in hand, boyfriend way ahead of me, and yell "Happy Fucking Birthday To Me". We then drive off and pick up a dub to start rolling some blunts, for a psychiatrist wouldn't be able to handle my dysfunctional family if they tried. Bob Marley gets me through the pain and helps me, from quite honestly, loosing me mind. (and sense of self for that matter) tear...I fear the Birthday upon me...

Creative Thought

I would love to try out two interesting ventures I came up with today. I would love to get a following on blogger and then have individuals post me different feelings or thoughts that they want immortalized in a photograph, and I will take on the assignment to try and capture a photo that envelopes the idea or feeling of such individual. Also, I would love to be sent things from individuals, and for a price, be able to scrapbook/immortalize creatively and personally the object for such individual. Given a list of favorite colors, past times, etc. I will be able to personalize your item and make it a fun surprise to receive when I am finished. Not to mention one of a kind, personalized...think about it...